Baby Blog

There is one Occupational Therapy concept that has always resonated with me since first reading about it in the paper ‘Reflections on doing, being and becoming’ by Ann Wilcock, whilst I was studying. She then went on to write several more papers and a book where she added another element, ‘belonging’.

Wilcock (2006) described that when we engage in activities and tasks in our daily life we can think of the process as a synthesis of doing and being, with the purpose of becoming and belonging. 

When I was first introduced to this way of thinking about what we do and why we do it, it resonated because it was such a universal view that anyone can relate to. It seemed simple enough, but the more I thought about it, the more I saw the complexity. It’s a way of breaking down the elements or concepts around engaging in activities and considering how this contributes to personal transformation. There’s a past, present and future element. Then there’s a consideration of the individual, group and population dimension - acknowledging the interdependent and universal nature of human experience.

Now that I am a parent with more life experience, I can more fully appreciate and apply the concepts of doing, being, becoming and belonging. It can be a useful way of sorting out the complexity of what happens to us when we prepare for and then assume the parent role. 

The four elements

These four elements can be understood using general parenting examples and the task of changing a nappy:

Doing

Doing is the act, the engagement in an activity. For example, doing all the procedural steps involved to change the nappy such as undoing the jumpsuit, taking the nappy off etc. Through doing this activity and other parenting activities, we gain skills, knowledge, abilities and develop a sense of competency. There is so much to do as a parent. We can prepare in different ways before we become a parent, but it is only through practising (or doing) parenting that we truly understand what it means, what it involves and how it will and does change us. 

Being

Being includes how we feel, our nature, essence, and our truth - our inner experience. For example, experiencing the smell and surprise when removing the nappy. It is only through being and doing that flow can be experienced. Flow is where we can fully be in the moment, where our thoughts stay in the now. This experience is immersive, and all concept of time can be lost. Alternatively, we can be thinking of the past or future when doing an activity – our mind is elsewhere. For example, an experienced parent won’t have to actively think about doing the steps of changing the nappy, as it will be second nature. During this activity, they will be able to choose to experience fully being in the moment with their baby or thinking about something which happened earlier or in the future like preparing that mental shopping list.

Becoming

Becoming is the realisation of who we are as a result of the values, knowledge, skills, abilities and demands of our occupations. Becoming “holds notions of potential and growth, of transformation and self-actualisation” (Wilcock, 1998). To evaluate ourselves we consider our past vs present performance and make future goals (in what areas we want to do better). Becoming a parent for the first time is such an all-consuming transformative time in our lives. The intensity of the first weeks with a new baby can have some parents feeling out of their depth and missing the familiar feelings of competency they previously enjoyed; this is all part of becoming and forming a new identity in the role of mother or father. In the nappy example, changing the nappy is motivated by our idea that it is part of our parent role. We get a sense of becoming a better parent because when we started, we found it challenging, we made mistakes. Over time, we improve but might still have aspirations about getting to the point of not having to think about it.  We know that we become better at this task through doing, which contributes to our sense of competence as a parent. 

Belonging

A sense of belonging is seen as something we all strive for, motivating and reinforcing what we do (Wilcock, 2006). We need social interaction and connection to others within our social/cultural contexts. We are strongly motivated by our need to belong, especially with those closest to us. 

New parents will automatically qualify as belonging to the larger population of ‘parents’ vs ‘non-parents’. This belonging can be experienced within our family groups, where we can form a deeper relationship with our parents when we come to understand our past in a new way– from the shared perspective of a parent. 

New parents already hold a notion of what a good parent does – this is individual to them. They base this on what they have seen and experienced within their family culture or social groups. This then influences their parenting choices both consciously and unconsciously. New parents can reflect on their past to help decide what parenting skills to use from childhood, and what new skills need to be learned which support their current values and ideals. Parenting is not something that can be done in isolation, co-parenting has its unique challenges, as does involving the dynamics of the larger family or friendship groups who all contribute to parenting the child. In these ways, belonging is a strong motivator when you are a parent. 

In the nappy example, parents in our culture usually choose to use nappies – it is our social norm. The choices we make around the type of nappy and wipes we use are influenced by our social circles along with our experience and knowledge. Our parents may have used cloth nappies because that was the norm in their time- so unless we choose this option, will look to others for guidance on a modern choice. We look to other parents such as in our mother’s group to see what others are doing. Perhaps everyone in the mothers’ group chooses disposable nappies. When we make the same choices, we have a greater sense of belonging because the group is cohesive. When we see differences between parenting choices, we can choose to be influenced by their choice, try to influence them, or accept a difference. If we feel strongly about using modern cloth nappies, this might not be a big deal in terms of the group. However, this may prompt the motivation to seek out reassurance and guidance by finding other parents who have made the same choice. Over time, we will seek other parents who are like-minded and share similar beliefs and values. 

Bringing them all together

The four dimensions, doing, being, becoming and belonging do not have equal influence, but all contribute constantly and simultaneously whilst influencing change. The parts contribute to the whole view of ourselves within our occupational contexts. 

Hitch et al. (2014) have their interpretation of the relationship between the elements:

“…engaging in occupation requires that we perform activities and occupations (doing) that meet the needs of both ourselves (being) and others (belonging), that we can learn from and build upon through time (becoming).”

My understanding of how the dimensions interact, is represented in the following graphic:

When a person is enabled to do, be, become, and belong, this is transformative in the context of their lives. When we find a balance between all the elements, we grow, learn and develop. 

Through doing and being a parent, we evolve as a parent (becoming) and belong in new community groups such as mother’s groups and school parents’ social groups. 

When starting out, parents need to be able to engage (doing and being) with their babies in order to form a bond/connection and develop competence in their new caring occupations. Parents and babies are highly biologically motivated to work together and will behave in accordance with their capacities. For example, babies can instinctively make their way to the breast and feed within the first hour after birth when given the opportunity. The mother does not need to do much to facilitate this, if she can be in this moment, she can witness her baby initiate their first breastfeed. Babies can communicate through body movements such as the mouth and head movements when hungry and will have distinctive cries which indicate what their need is to an attuned caregiver. It may take parents a while to learn their baby’s cries so their capacity to recognise this is limited at first, but by paying attention and getting to know their baby, a parent can learn to recognise what their baby needs. In these cases, doing and being with their babies has contributed to developing skills for both baby and parent. These skills, when considered in the context of becoming, redefines both parent and baby’s sense of self, of what and who they have become. 

The final say

Through viewing parenting through the lens of doing, being, becoming and belonging, we can gain an appreciation of the complexity of what we do, how we do it and why we do it. It is also an easy way to check-in with yourself, to ask the important questions about the now, the future and to reflect on your journey.

Just don’t forget about being. Once you become a parent, you will be one for the rest of your life, but you are a parent to a tiny baby for such a short time. You want to look back and know that you were being with your baby, breathing in, feeling and enjoying that baby. You hugged, kissed and loved that baby when they needed you the most. Those moments are priceless.

References: 

Danielle Hitch, Geneviève Pépin & Karen Stagnitti (2014) In the Footsteps of Wilcock, Part Two: The Interdependent Nature of Doing, Being, Becoming, and Belonging, Occupational Therapy In Health Care, 28:3, 247-263, DOI: 10.3109/07380577.2014.898115. Link: https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2014-27223-002

Wilcock, A. A. (1998). Reflections on Doing, Being and Becoming. Canadian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 65(5), 248–256. https://doi.org/10.1177/000841749806500501

Wilcock, A. A. (2006). An occupational perspective on health (2nd ed.). Thorofare, NJ: SLACK, Incorporated.