Baby Blog

It can be hard to fathom how being a 'mother' will practically change your life before you are in the thick of it. You may have some ideas based on your childhood, however, you probably had very little awareness or true empathy for all the things your mother managed to do for you. We all know those mothers who seem to have a knack of making it look easy and give away little of what they really think or feel. Thankfully, the voice of all types of mothers has become louder and more honest thanks to social media platforms.

The Many Roles of Women 

Girls are daughters first, granddaughters, sisters, cousins, and friends. As they grow into women they can also become aunties, girlfriends, wives, partners, and any number of paid occupation titles they take on in their working life. In Australia around 80% of women also become mothers. Mothers can then go on to become a grandmother, great grandmother, even great-great-grandmother. An opportunity which can be a source of great joy and purpose in later years.

Mothers are carers, sources of love and protectors, supporters, and nourishers. Newborns don't understand that their mother is separate to them, but rather are an extension of them. There is no baby without a mother.

Mother is arguably one of the most significant and defining of life's roles in that it is an entirely new life phase and somewhat of a rite of passage into womanhood. 

Becoming a Mother

The average age to become a mother in Australia is 31. 

By the age of 31, women might feel in control of their life, independent, strong, be a very competent worker or career woman. Life is worked out (except for that ticking biological clock). Adding a baby or three into the mix seems like a great idea and sure to add some excitement to life.

Regardless of the age of the mother, there are some universal thoughts, feelings, and actions women engage in to make the transition to motherhood. 

If you take the extremes, a teenager will have different life adjustments to make compared to a 40-year-old becoming a mother. Both would need to re-arrange their pre-baby life and adjust their mindset, expectations, fears, & insecurities to accommodate a baby. Each will have different mental and physical resources to draw on depending on their situation and past experiences. Each will have different parenting ideals depending on their experience doing mothering (e.g. through caring of younger children) and through being mothered.

As such, these women can go into becoming a mother with entirely different expectations and competence levels. Yet both have the potential to be excellent mothers in their own unique ways.

Women Supporting Women

Having a connection to extended family structures has traditionally worked to prevent stress when a woman becomes a mother herself.

In the village, a culture and understanding around child-rearing practices were formed through being around older influential women as they raised their babies and young children. These experiences helped women to form realistic expectations of motherhood. When they became mothers, they also had family members and friends available to support them and share the load of child-rearing. It has been common throughout human history for parents to adopt the help of 'Alloparents' (individuals other than the biological parent that performs the functions of a parent). It was a reasonable expectation that multiple caregivers would be involved with raising and caring for the child. In modern Australia, this interdependence is harder to achieve, but people can, do and should seek out a village in various ways in order to be supported. 

Many traditional cultures have strong traditions around mothering the mother during the first month to 40 days after birth. Typically, an older female relative stays with the mother and baby for the first 40 days (4^thtrimester) to ensure the mother can rest, bond with her baby and heal from the birth. The mother is mothered, supported and protected with nutritious food and the household jobs are taken care of during this time. These traditions have been maintained for good reason, they serve an important service to the new mother and contribute to a strong start for baby too. How good would it be if these sort of traditions became the norm in Australian culture? 

One thing is for sure, mothering is too big a job for one or even 2 people to do. It's a hugely overwhelming and isolating job to tackle on your own. 

The Final word

Being a Mother means you belong to a long human history of nurturers, supporters and societal influencers. It is a great responsibility and a great gift at the same time. 

It doesn't matter at what age you become a mother, you will bring your unique experience, unique personal resources and competencies into motherhood. These will all amount to your unique outcomes. It is an opportunity to evolve and become more. 

Becoming more doesn't mean you need to be and do everything. Expect to need and look for help wherever you can find it - if you don't have a village, make a plan to create it.